Late Nights and Early Mornings

 I seem to find myself with the most clarity between 11pm and 2am. At these hours the house is quiet and calm and I can just hear myself think. I don't have to worry about anything because I know that whatever anxieties I have during the day I can't fix them now, not at this hour of the night. Those worries can wait until the morning. But there is a fine line between this relaxation and the 3am nerves. It is always the same. My sanity stays in tact through these late hours until about 3am. I then begin to over-think and worry about things that are out of my control. Once passed that point I usually won't be able to fall asleep until about 5am. So for now I am still in the clear for sanity. 

 Its very peaceful. At these hours I tend to think about my future and what I want to do with it. I can clearly see what I want; its a life of happiness, love, hard work, and success. At these hours it is so easy to see the path which I need to follow, the choices I need to make. But once I wake up tomorrow, its always the same, those clear goals seem to go right out the window. Recently, I have started to try to focus my energy in really trying to make my goals small and realistic so I can easily reach them, but my dreams are so big sometimes its hard to face the smaller details that are need to make that big dream a reality. That sounds incredibly cheesy, but it is true.

 I want to become a successful actress, not necessarily famous, just successful. In my book success means hard work and being able to do what I love for the rest of my life. Yes, being on Broadway, film, or TV would be incredible and that is what I'm reaching for; I want to show the world what I can do. I believe I have talent, and I know I have the drive and passion for this beautiful art, and I want to share this love. Those actors and actress I admire the most are the ones that exude passion for what they do. They immerse themselves into the roles and then something beautiful happens, suddenly the actor is gone and replaced completely by the character. Those are the people that you could lose yourself in. I want to become one of those people. I want people to forget that I'm there and only see the character. I believe at least once, everybody wishes they could be somebody else and I am definitely one of those people. That's yet another thing I love about this dramatic art, you can transform yourself into somebody completely opposite of yourself. For those moments in the other person's shoes, you're gone and you don't have to think about your own worries, you just let go. 

 I think I have just realized why I love both acting and late nights/early mornings, its because they both, at least to me, have some relaxing effect. They just help me to let go of the world swirling around me.

                                                                         tbc.